Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize