Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Randomize
