im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
