I wish you could order shots online.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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