no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
