There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Randomize
