Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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