Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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