NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
