I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Randomize
