just survived the first fart of the relationship.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
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