drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Dear god my vagina.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
