Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
