please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
