And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
