i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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