How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
