So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
