GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
