I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
