Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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