is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize