All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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