My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
