just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
