Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
And then he peed in my hair
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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