dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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