im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Randomize
