random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
