Jerry, you need to find god
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Randomize
