dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Randomize
