I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I skipped work to stalk him.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
