The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
