too bad you live with your parents still
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
you win again, gameday.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
