I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
