Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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