I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
