I think I died a long time ago.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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