bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
