everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
