I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
