Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
