you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Randomize
