my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize