I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Randomize
