It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i just had sex bonerless
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
We left an ass print on the piano.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
