The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
