it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
