I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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