I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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