Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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