awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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