I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
