I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
