This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
