who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
there was a trapeze. enough said
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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