yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
