i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
