drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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