Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
