Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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