I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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