One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
