hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
