I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
