at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
