my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
