i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
