I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize