you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Randomize
