so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Randomize
