I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
