Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
