loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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