did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Randomize
