your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
