Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
