also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Randomize
