Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
