Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
