I can text with my tongue
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize