I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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