I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
