took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Randomize
