Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
My cat gives me a boner
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
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