I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
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