I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
