she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
