I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
