Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
