I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
