They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
