Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
