saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
i love accidental penises.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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