Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
